TIGHT

Well, once again the Christmas season has rolled around and we have yet another update for ya (how quaint).

Rage On!

Road rage. The term for people who get pissed off on the highway and decide to do a little somethin' about it. Did somebody cut you off in traffic? Show em who's boss with a couple of bullet holes in their ass. Many people advocate controlling your anger, I say LET IT OUT! Road rage is a beautiful thing. The only problems with it are the consequences that the law can hand down if you get caught. I have found that road rage is the result of the instigator's stupidity anyway. If the troublemaker didn't do something stupid in the first place, the raging guy wouldn't have a reason to MAKE HIS ASS PAY!

Example (although this might be considered more of a stationary rage as I was not actually in motion at the time):

The other day, I was sittin' at McDonald's and had to pull up to wait for my food to come out. Well, the guy in front of me was asked to pull up too. No problem yet. He didn't pull up very far, but that was no big deal to me. But then, up drives some woman in an Explorer. Apparently, she was in a position to get her Happy Meal straight out of the window. Ms. Happy Meal couldn't get out without backing up because my car was in the way (which was obviously beyond my control). So she proceeded to back up and go around me. But instead of going about her business and eating her fuckin' Happy Meal, she throws a glance at me and my friend and sends a look of "you inconvenienced me...go to hell" and shakes her head. At that point, I raged.

YOU STUPID BITCH! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? PICK UP THE GODDAMN JEEP IN FRONT OF ME AND THROW IT SO YOUR LAZY ASS WON'T HAVE TO SHIFT INTO REVERSE? YOU DUMBASS! TAKE YOUR DAMN FOOD AND GIVE IT TO YOUR SHITHEAD KID AND GET OUTTA MY FACE NOW BEFORE I REALLY GET PISSED!!!

In my ideal world, all dumbasses would be removed by any means necessary and this point, this pretentious bitch would have had some control exercised on her vital signs by yours truly. Yep, me, the typical nice guy. Patiently waiting for my Triple Cheeseburger and forced to show my ass in the parking lot on some lame whore and her stupid kid.

Yes, ruthless execution without remorse. People are so hung up on expressing their displeasure and don't realize that their pissy mood rubs off.

When somebody pays their ass back, they wanna whine.

Midgets Under Glass

This year for Christmas, I wanted some subs for my car. (For those of you that don't know, I'm talking about speakers...) A good friend of mine also bought some subs. However, he offered a novel suggestion to get the most out of our money.

John: Instead of buyin' subs, I'm just gonna buy a couple of midgets and put em in a box and make em sing to me.

Me: **Bing** Damn. Funny graphic idea.

We hope your Christmas was as cool as ours and damn near as funny too. We'll be back, TIGHT as ever, in a couple of days with an issue to ring in the new year!!! Hell yeah, we're gonna party like it's ah...um...er...1998!!!