Newfound Pity
by Maddog

This takes place during part one of Black Buddha.
The song is "The World I Know" by Collective Soul

****************************************************

"Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on
I drink myself of newfound pity."

Nick gulped down some of the bottle of cow blood he was holding.  He
swallowed without tasting.  Feelings ebbed and flowed over him like a song
being blared out by a radio set with the bass too high.  Schanke and Cohen,
both dead.  Pain hit him again, a shot to the gut that fled again so fast he
wasn't sure he'd  felt it.  The sensation replaced by nothing.  His hand
tensed on the bottle as he paced around his apartment.  With every fiber of
his being he wanted to do something, anything, fly, tear somebody apart,
yell, scream into the air at a God that would allow something like.  To do
something, cry silently, do anything to release the non-feeling that gripped
him. Dead, both dead.  He looked over at the statue sitting on the table.  A
silent, black Buddha.  Was it the reason why?  There had to be a
explanation, a piece of logic that would fit all the pieces and pain together.

Taking another drink, he picked the work of art up.  Feeling its smooth,
cold surface in his hands.  Was that evil also touching him or was the
statue simply reflecting back his inherent corruption?  Dropping the Buddha
back down, he walked across the room to pick up the phone.   He had already
started dialing the number before he realized that he couldn't call her
again.  Natalie was angry with him, finished with him.  Nick put down the
phone and walked over to the window.

"Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the worlds that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one."

There was nothing here, Nick decided to himself.  All those thousands of
comfortable, familiar things.  He couldn't be around them.  What other
destruction would he cause them.  And what of the people?  Pain grabbed at
him again but it was easier to dismiss now.  He'd made a decision.  It had
creeped out from no where to take a hold of him and spur him to action.
There was no reason to be here anymore.  No reason to stay and be trapped
with all this feelings.   Glancing skyward he launched himself through the
skylight.


"So I walked up on high
And I step to the edge to see my world below
And I laugh at myself
As the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know
It's the world I know"

He balanced himself on the edge of the building.  The lights of the cars
below had turned to points.  He wondered briefly of all the lives that
flickered around the lights.  But they were no longer his concern.  He was
going to fly.  Leave all this.  Take him and his curse far, far away.    Far
away, far from his mind's picture of Schanke, laughing.  Was there no way to
escape the darkness behind him?  No escape, he acknowledged, but he could go
far away.  Never see any of this again.

Staring down over the edge of the building, he wasn't aware that tears of
blood had rolled down his face.  They flickered off into the air as he
launched himself into the air.  He needed to say good-bye to Janette.  Nick
relaxed inside himself, he knew that she would understand the necessity of
moving on.


"I drink myself of newfound pity
and I don't know why"