Annual Blessing To The Masses

1995: Blessed are those who bring me TUNA. Blessed are those who bring me roast beef. Blessed are those who bring me baked chicken.

1996: Blessed are those who bring me provolone cheese. Blessed are those who mail me cans of TUNA. Blessed are those who remember me when they visit the deli.

1997: Blessed are those who ship me TUNA. Blessed are those who bring home "kitty bags." Blessed are those who spread the true meaning of SNIT.

1998: Blessed are those who ship more tuna to me this year than last year.

Quote of the Week

Week of 12/31/95: Friends don't let friends travel without a can opener.

Week of 1/7/96: Let them eat TUNA.

Week of 1/14/96: I never met a TUNA I didn't like.

Week of 1/21/96: Ask not what your cat can do for you. Ask what you can do for your cat.

Week of 1/28/96: If you want it done right, let a cat do it.

Week of 2/4/96: A day without TUNA is like a day without tummy rubs.

Week of 2/11/96: Who said treat?

Week of 2/18/96: It's one small step for Kangaroo; one giant leap for mankind.

Week of 2/25/96: The wonderful thing about SNIT is that SNIT is a wonderful thing.

Week of 3/3/96: March is National TUNA Month.

Week of 3/10/96: When March comes in like a TUNA, it goes out like a baked chicken.

Week of 3/17/96: ...And I assert that we have nothing to fear, but fear (and a possible TUNA shortage) itself.

Week of 3/24/96: Brighten someone's day. Send them a TUNA.

Week of 3/31/96: My favorite gangster was Tony "Big TUNA" Acardo.

Week of 4/7/96: Snit is as snit does.

Week of 4/14/96: Others do what they can; Snit does what it must.

Week of 4/21/96: Walk softly but carry a big TUNA.

Week of 4/28/96: Ich ben ein TUNA.

Week of 5/5/96: There's nothing more dangerous than a cat with an attitude and a credit card.

Week of 5/12/96: Speaking of TUNA, "I hunts them...then I traps them...then I eats them."

Week of 5/19/96: In the '60's, the song "Anticipation" wasn't about ketchup...it was about TUNA.

Week of 5/26/96: I come not to conquer TUNA, but to praise them.

Week of 6/2/96: June is National SNIT Month.

Week of 6/9/96: When you're a cat, SNIT Attitude is everything.

Week of 6/16/96: SNIT makes the world go 'round.

Week of 6/23/96: If you're really good at it...you can have SNIT attitude and everyone around you will know it.

Week of 6/30/96: Snit is just another way of saying: "I get two votes...you get none."

Week of 7/7/96: It's 10:00 p.m. Do you know where your TUNA is?

Week of 7/14/96: I can stop eating TUNA anytime I want to. I just don't want to.

Week of 7/21/96: I have just developed a new classification system based on five food groups: TUNA, roast beef, chicken, provolone cheese and everything else. Make sure you get five servings from each of the first four groups every day.

Week of 7/28/96: I came. I saw. I ate TUNA.

Week of 8/4/96: Alas, poor TUNA, I knew him well.

Week of 8/11/96: There's no such thing as a 'budget' when it comes to stocking up on TUNA.

Week of 8/18/96: Have you ever noticed how TUNA improves almost any situation?

Week of 8/25/96: I'm writing to Santa now so that he can still go fishing in the nice weather.

Week of 9/1/96: How much is that TUNA in the window?

Week of 9/8/96: The spirit of SNIT lives in everyone.

Week of 9/15/96: SNIT happens.

Week of 9/22/96: SNIT means never having to say you're sorry.

Week of 9/29/96: SNIT helps you be all that you can be.

Week of 10/6/96: I'd like to thank all the little cats out there who made this possible.

Week of 10/13/96: When you say 'SNIT', you've said a lot of things nobody else can say.

Week of 10/20/96: The Trickle-Down TUNA Theory explained: Open a can of TUNA. Give it to me. I will then share what's left over with all of the other cats.

Week of 10/27/96: Yes, Virginia, there is a TUNA. It lives in the hearts and minds of kittens everywhere.

Week of 11/3/96: With the upcoming elections in mind and due to many requests, I have decided to lay out the ROO Platform:
Plank #1. SNIT attitude for everyone.
Plank #2. I get all the TUNA.
Plank #3. You don't get any TUNA.

Week of 11/10/96: I'm building a bridge to SNIT attitude for the next century and beyond.

Week of 11/17/96: TUNA: Less filling and tastes great!

Week of 11/24/96: Avoid the Christmas rush. Send me your cans of TUNA NOW.

Week of 12/1/96: I'm dreaming of a big TUNA...just like the ones I used to know.

Week of 12/8/96: The circle of life begins with a TUNA.

Week of 12/15/96: May the spirit of SNIT be with you this Christmas season.

Week of 12/22/96: I've been really good this year. Fat boy better come up with some TUNA if he knows what's good for him.

Week of 12/29/96: To paraphrase John Denver: "TUNAs on my shoulders make me happy..."

Week of 1/5/97: My sister and I got 12 cans of TUNA for Christmas...let's see...that's about 11 cans for me. I win!

Week of 1/12/97: Now that Christmas is over, it's not too early to start thinking about my Easter present.

Week of 1/19/97: I am not a 'princess.' I am the Queen!

Week of 1/26/97: Louis, round up the usual suspects. One of my cans of TUNA is missing.

Week of 2/2/97: When I woke up this morning, I didn't see my shadow...of course, I didn't see a TUNA either...this means its going to be a VERY long winter.

Week of 2/9/97: Behind every great human accomplishment is a cat.

Week of 2/16/97: Like sand through an hourglass, so is the SNIT of our lives.

Week of 2/23/97: Remember...when eating TUNA -- it's pinkies up.

Week of 3/2/97: Did someone say "Chicken o' the Sea?" And I didn't even know chickens could swim.

Week of 3/9/97: Have your people call my people.

Week of 3/16/97: My SNIT don't stink.

Week of 3/23/97: I think that I shall never see a thing as beautiful as a plate of TUNA and me.

Week of 3/30/97: I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a can of TUNA today.

Week of 4/6/97: If'n you're lookin' fer trouble...you've come to the right cat.

Week of 4/13/97: Put down the can of TUNA...back away from the dish...and we'll have no trouble.

Week of 4/20/97: Show me the TUNA.

Week of 4/27/97: Those who can't -- teach; those who can -- have SNIT.

Week of 5/4/97: One of God's greatest blunders...putting TUNAS in the ocean where they're so hard to sneak up on.

Week of 5/11/97: SNIT means never having to admit that anyone is better at anything than you are.

Week of 5/18/97: I'd walk a mile for a TUNA.

Week of 5/25/97: Humans...can't live with 'em...can't live without 'em -- but they sure are funny looking.

Week of 6/1/97: Getting even...not just a goal...it's an adventure.

Week of 6/8/97: Send me your TUNA or I won't be responsible for what happens next.

Week of 6/15/97: SNIT...more than YOU can be.

Week of 6/22/97: My mumma always said, "Life is like a can of TUNA"...you never know what yer gonna get...oily or water-packed.

Week of 6/29/97: Let's not make me do something that you'll be sorry for later.

Week of 7/6/97: SNIT is Art. Art is life. Therefore SNIT is life.

Week of 7/13/97: If the people I live with REALLY loved me they'd buy me ten minutes behind the grocery store's fish counter...no questions asked.

Week of 7/20/97: Have you ever noticed how the dumbest cat is way smarter than the smartest human?

Week of 7/27/97: Practice random acts of TUNA.

Week of 8/3/97: You'd think after this long, the people I live with would be better trained.

Week of 8/10/97: Great Marketing Idea: Little trucks with bells that go up and down your streets filled with fresh TUNAs.

Week of 8/17/97: I had to explain, calmly, to the people I live with, that "The recent downturn in the stock market WILL HAVE NO EFFECT ON TUNA PURCHASES."

Week of 8/24/97: WHACK!

Week of 8/31/97: It all begins with SNIT.

Week of 9/7/97: Cats without SNIT are like mornings without tummy rubs.

Week of 9/14/97: I am the most special cat in the universe. Scratch that...I am the universe.

Week of 9/21/97: Did someone say, "Big TUNA?"

Week of 9/28/97: On day one, God created the Earth...day two, he got around to the water...then he had a really good day on day three...that's when he invented the TUNA.

Week of 10/5/97: If I had a TUNA...I'd eat it in the morning...I'd eat it in the evening...all over this land.

Week of 10/12/97: SNIT means never having to 'suck up.'

Week of 10/19/97: Don't try to out-think your cat.

Week of 10/26/97: SNIT for all time.

Week of 11/2/97: You can tell your story walkin'...just leave the TUNA behind.

Week of 11/9/97: Having enough TUNA means never having to 'suck up.'

Week of 11/16/97: He who dies with the most TUNA wins.

Week of 11/23/97: I saw the people I live with bring in this big bird thing...mighty good eatin' once you get those damn cranberries out of the way.

Week of 11/30/97: OK...a long time ago there was this kid in a manger...and these three guys brought treats...one brought TUNA, another sliced turkey and the third guy brought roasty beefies. And there you have the real story of Christmas.

Week of 12/7/97: Some feel that Christmas has become over-commercialized. I just think it has become under tuna-ized.

Week of 12/14/97: Am I the only one who thinks that there's too damn many Nazis and Egyptians on the History Channel...and not enough about the history of the tuna catching industry?

Week of 12/21/97: Now explain this to me again...there's this guy and a sleigh...and he delivers tuna to all the good cats...uh huh.

Week of 12/28/97: My New Year's Resolution: To only be as SNITTY as I need to be.

Week of 1/4/98: There are getting to be more and more reasons to be SNITTY all the time.

Week of 1/11/98: Damn...there goes another New Year's resolution.

Week of 1/18/98: The TUNA stops here.

Week of 1/25/98: Who said, "Tuna in cream sauce?"

Week of 2/1/98: Great marketing idea: 'Tuna-to-Go."

Week of 2/8/98: The people I live with seem to be paying less attention to my SNIT attitude...time for more SNIT.

Week of 2/15/98: Tuna is "AG." (All Good.)

Week of 2/22/98: Those who can, have SNIT. Those who can't, don't.

Week of 3/1/98: Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their cat. (This sentence was typed very quickly.)

Week of 3/8/98: Asian Market Crisis? I guess it's back to the domestic tuna for a while.

Week of 3/15/98: Don't make me do something that you'll regret.

Week of 3/22/98: Hey -- tunas don't grow on trees.

Week of 3/29/98: Provolone cheese makes all things possible.

Week of 4/5/98: I finally figured out that when the stupid humans I live with say "spa," they really mean "vet."

Week of 4/12/98: Tuna forever!

Week of 4/19/98: Chicken Parmesan cooked in butter. Life doesn't get better than that.

Week of 4/26/98: More "spa" talk. I think it's time to hide.

Week of 5/3/98: I know of no legal controlling interest as to why I shouldn't get all of the tuna.

Week of 5/10/98: Do the wild thing. Open two cans of tuna at once.

Week of 5/17/98: I like people. Really I do. It's all about what they can do for me.

Week of 5/24/98: Some people just take a little longer to understand what I need.

Week of 5/31/98: I want to get on the Jerry Springer show and set the record straight.

Week of 6/7/98: I have no misconceptions about my own greatness.

Week of 6/14/98: Tuna...the fish of choice of champions.

Week of 6/21/98: Somebody's got to do the dirty work. That's why I've got "my people."

Week of 6/28/98: How much more would I have to pay to get better "people?"

Week of 7/5/98: Fireworks for me...how nice.

Week of 7/12/98: I want to make this clear...set the record straight..."I did not take 'THAT WOMAN'S' tuna."

Week of 7/19/98: I want to get all jiggy.

Week of 7/26/98: Always save some tuna for a rainy day.

Week of 8/2/98: Remember...There's no ' I ' in SNIT. (Oh, maybe there is.)

Week of 8/9/98: We have not yet begun to meet my needs.

Week of 8/16/98: Sure, I'm sorry for getting caught taking all the tuna. But, gee, it's not all my fault...it's that nasty special prosecutor...yeah...it's all his fault.

Week of 8/23/98: I have no desire to see how the other half lives.

Week of 8/30/98: Feed Me or Trade Me!!

Week of 9/6/98: Have my secretary return all those gifts to the tuna industry rep.

Week of 9/13/98: ...And let's not forget..."obstruction of tuna" is also an impeachable offense.

Kangaroo on Politics

Humans should pay higher taxes so that the TUNA industry can receive the subsidies they so richly deserve.

Vote "Pro-TUNA" and "Pro-Fisherman" whenever you can.