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19 March 2007
Good Intentions
(In reply to a lot of discussions.)
I've noticed that the topic of "intent" keeps coming up.
Everyone's so kind and so noble, and would never hurt a fly.
My gripe is with those who claim "good intentions" after hurting/wronging someone.
I've noticed a few things about people who claim to have good intentions: They'll always put up a protest, with "I didn't intend this" and "I didn't intend that" and "I intended only the best." But look closely, and you'll see a few more things they don't intend:
- They don't intend to change.
- They don't intend to stop what they're doing.
- They don't intend to change their actions to match their supposed intentions --
which any adult can do. - They don't intend to learn interpersonal skills.
- And even though this is the Age of Information, and there are already a few web sites for relationship education where one can learn people skills, they don't intend to visit any.
- They don't intend to study psychology, to learn why others are always reacting to them the way they are.
- They don't intend to apologize.
- They don't intend to "get" it.
- Their intention is to say something hurtful and get away with it.
In fact, their "good intentions" go no farther than "I intended that you would react better to my misbehavior. And when you didn't, I rewrote history and pretended that my intentions were noble." This backpedaling is what results when people learn interpersonal skills from sitcoms, not psychology classes.
If we're going to talk about intentions, let's open both eyes and face the whole truth.
More: Why Are People Rude?
J. E. Brown Relationshop Los Alamos, NM USA
about the author
J. E. Brown, relationship activist, decided in 1987 that verbal abuse will be wiped off the planet.
He has been working on it ever since.
While writing a book on relationships, he occasionally designs online surveys and writes educational materials for this web site.
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Concepts:
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions; intransigence; revisionist history.
More at This Site
- Why Are People Rude? Our customers asked, we answered.
- Definition of Verbal Abuse
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Copyright © 2007 J. E. Brown all rights reserved. E-mail us -or- write us at Relationshop ™ P. O. Box 1368 Los Alamos, NM USA 87544-1368 |